The Natural Place To Start- Pissy New Years Stories

Hey all,

Chances are I'll do this blog for about two weeks before I get bored of it and give up. Like all new things, I guess this seems shiny and new at the beginning, then as time goes on, gets as dull as Terminator Salvation.

So being New Years Eve, I thought i'd start with Pissy New Year Stories. Why does NYE promise so much but delivers five tenths of fuck all? Mainly because it's a night that encourages you to drink heaps and Kevin Rudd doesn't want you to anymore.

So, pissiest New Years? Easy- 1999 into 2000. The night the world was gonna explode thanks to Y2k and it didn't. That's pretty pissy.

I spent Y2K/NYE at a place that has succumbed to its own Y2K virus (ie. going broke from embezzlers)- the local leagues club. At midnight they promised the "most spectacular fireworks display this century" (one that was five seconds old). A more diserning judge may have ranked the Sydney or London displays higher- and they'd be right. The highlight of the night? When a chick from out of town succumbed to her own version of the Y2k virus and kissed the most virginal guy in town (Reliable Lyle or Designated Lyle, more about him later). When the lights came up, her system crashed and she fucked off. Lyle will be alright though. He brought in the 21st Century kissing a girl. Sometime later this century they will create a robot he can reinact that moment with.

I guess pissy New Years aren't complete without a friend having a pissy NYE party. You know the one- mate rings you, says about 100 people are coming. In reality, take a zero of that figure and halve it. Then someone leaves. You are wondering how pissy the fireworks you're missing are, but you've drunk one too many to drive and you're stuck with your mate, two strangers and a conversation about whether Dollhouse should have been cancelled when Two and A Half Men is still on. You wished you'd bought light beers so even if you look like a girl, you can fuck off before someone starts talking about Firefly.

The best pissiest NYE I've had? Honestly, it was by myself aimlessly walking around Brisbane. I was walking back to my hotel (completely in the wrong direction, mind you), when I came across a girl crying her eyes out. I made the mistake of eye contact, so she explained the reasoning behind the tears. Seems her boyfriend, a mouth breather who looked as if he'd been kicked out of a crack den NYE party for being underdressed, yelled at her for giving a guy directions to a pub. The mouth breather walks up to me and seeing my freshly shaved head, starts apologising to his gf straight away. She tells him to fuck off and gets in a taxi. As she sped off, the mouth breather walked backwards away from me for a whole block between Albert and whatever the next street was. I was unsure of the direction.

Pissy story for a pissy night of the year...

Skel- OUT